I write this with shame, and I did try to fix it once I realized my kneejerk reaction. At the outdoor birthday party my son's mother was throwing for him in a park on the far west side of Houston, I was safely inside my tough guy role, as Lil Man and his friends came over from playing football. My son's mother is an out lesbian, and she had also invited her circle of friends. All women. But then these three obviously gay dudes arrived. Without thinking, I withdrew to the back. I saw my son go up and dap them, say hello, like nothing. Like I should have.
OK, just so you know: In the moment, I failed. My automatic reaction was they might recognize something in me, and give me away to my son, and that was just not how it was going to go down. I keep things separate. Yet even in that moment I felt self-disgust.
Privately I often feel trapped in my own same-gender orientation. I just don't fit inside the public's choking stereotypes. Life is rough enough. And to have one more hateful thing precede you? This is even more complicated, because I have professionally traveled the country helping people, including many LGBT youth and adult groups, on paths to self-acceptance and a deeper health.
But I don't feel my personal life should be a focus when it comes to my son, and kids in general. What really matters is them doing well in school, staying out of trouble, avoiding life's dangerous pitfalls and bad choices, and developing enough critical thinking and boundaries. (Unlike me at their age.)
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