Danny Hernandez is a young gay marriage activist in San Diego and he says that getting married has actually never crossed his mind. He tells The Gay Report:
"To be honest with you, no I haven't. It really never enters my mind that I could actually marry myself. I been fighting for the last couple of years to get marriage equality legalized and to fight for it and stuff but this is the first time for me that I actually thought of myself being in front of a priest or pastor and declaring my love for someone like that. I been so busy fighting for this right that I forgot that I will actually marry the man of my dreams one day."We must stress that actually getting married is way different from holding a sign that says "I do" in front of your state capitol. Marriage is a serious life changing experience that has serious and lifelong ramifications if anything goes wrong. Marriage affects your financial, emotional, and legal situation. Soon DOMA at the federal level will be repealed by the courts and then gay marriage will be a more serious venture than it already is at the local level.
Prenup
A pre-nuptial agreement (or "prenup" for short) is an agreement that a couple can enter into stipulating what will happen and how property will be divided upon divorce. To some this type of agreement may be daunting so we only recommend it when its really necessary. We think prenups are necessary when children are involved or when the couple adopts highly valued pets. We also think that a prenup should be considered whenever one of the partners has a wealthy estate in either liquid assets or real property. If you are rich or "better off" you will find peace of mind in knowing that your spouse to be is not with your for your money but actually is with you because he/she loves you and not your Porsche.
Weddings
If couples can afford it, it is highly suggested to get a well experienced wedding planner. It is recommended that such wedding planner is someone you are very comfortable working with, remember this person is the one who will make your wedding of your dreams come true and a real candid relationship with that person is really helpful. The wedding planner should be able to organize everything for you and to get all the necessary vendors to commit to your wedding. Usually planners and vendors have an established exclusive business relationship for some time and this would be ideal for gay couples since the vendors would not feel "pressured" in catering to a gay couple or wedding but rather commit to the wedding planner to insure more future business.
We have witnessed many gay couples being discriminated against by vendors, from bakers to photographers, so we see an advantage to hiring a "middle man" who will deal with any issues from these vendors so as to prevent you from being under any form of distress or embarrassment due to anti-gay discrimination during your wedding planning.
Both partners should be included in the decision making of the wedding. If one partner works more than the other and has less time to dedicate to the planning it is a good idea to inform the absent partner of what is going on with the wedding planning and to include him/her in any decision making especially when such decisions cost money.
Both partners should sit down and discuss how much money can be spent on a wedding. Both can make reasonable requests and should strive to work towards the middle. Once a budget has been decided, stick to it! Do not change it unless it is a real emergency. Why start out a marriage when one partner can change the wedding budget willy-nilly, that could send wrong signals about how committed the relationship is going to be from then on.
Do not start out with a lavish plan for your wedding, we think it is better to start out small and then move up from there. It is always good to be open minded about how your wedding is going to look like, this makes you more flexible and easier to work with; sure, you may have your ideas and we are not saying that you should throw them away. What is important is that both partners have a wedding that both can enjoy and one that runs smoothly. Running smooth is highly preferred than making sure every little detail you want is to be utilized, such unrealistic demands can put unnecessary strains on everybody and make your wedding susceptible to something going wrong.
Make sure you plan ahead for your wedding. Many gay couples have for some time stood in front of the marriage office in cold damp nights before the stroke of midnight the day gay marriage became legal in their state. To them this was a historic moment in American history, and believe us it is, so they wanted to be part of it and be one of the first few to get a marriage license. But is it romantic? Weddings and marriage have all been about romance and love, not all about historic moments or political theater (like royal weddings for example). Planning ahead means you care about your wedding, and you in the end care about your marriage. We believe that taking your time would make your wedding run smoothly. And remember, smooth is good. We think that planning for a wedding should take around a year or so. Vendors should be booked around that time, not only do you get a better deal if you book way in advance, but you are able to book vendors and entertainment that you really want insuring their availability for the set date of your wedding.
One important note though: stay cool. If things do not go right, and they might not, relax. Is not the end of the world. If you stay cool, everybody else will do as well and will continue to have a good time at your wedding. It is your big day, why make it worse by having tantrums that are only suited for shows like "Bridezillas?"
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